Happy Halloween, ghouls. I hope you all have done your civic duty and sent the youth into a sugar frenzy their parents may never recover from. When the last Starburst has digested, those angelic nose-miners will look like beasts that crawled out from a Hieronymus Bosch painting. Few can imagine a more horrific scene.

Well, clearly you haven’t seen the news, because otherwise you would know that the ultimate atrocity has been committed. A scientist working in an Antarctic outpost stabbed his colleague…for revealing the endings of the books he was reading. The knife-wielder has been placed under house arrest in his native Russia, while the victim has been taken to an intensive care unit in Chile.

Let me be clear: The Club does not condone violence. The Club also does not condone spoilers. What kind of thoughtless ignoramus would dare ruin the ending of a book, and think there wouldn’t be consequences? A fellow camper spoiled the ending of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince the week after publication, and I admit: the only thing that kept me from going nuclear was the utter shock of the situation. I’m still not over it. The moral of this story: never anger an eager reader.

We’ll have more as this story unfolds. Until then, unwrap yourself a Snickers. Chocolate cures the worst nightmares.

–E