What does it say about you when you’re shopping for a high school graduation present for your little cousin, and your eye goes straight for the cute wine tumbler? Nothing good, right? I’m afraid of the kind of mother I’ll be.

Here’s what you missed this week:

• “’I’m trying not to be too Sherlock Holmes about it, but if there’s such a thing as a quite distinctive rip, well, he or she rips the page in half horizontally and sometimes removes half the page.’” That is a real quote, from a real news story, about the Book Ripper. You heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen. (The Guardian)
• Bless the librarian who created the noise hotline. (Buzzfeed)
• I’ve got the morbs because I was poked up about the bald-headed butter. Let’s make this a thing again. (Open Culture)
• All hail the OG troll, Hans Traxler. (Atlas Obscura)

Cheers,

EV